First of all… it’s NEW YEARS EVE 2020… The 3rd decade of the New Millennium and I’m obviously drunk… smoking a cigarette after another.. every drink drops fast though my throat and asks for another cigarette to smooth it down… ahhhhhhh…. feels good… until it starts to feel bad…. very bad!!!

The taste in my mouth…the dizziness and the anxiety for the next one. I don’t know if i lay down or if i stand… maybe i’ll smoke another one until the sleep comes… but it doesn’t! In the background my boyfriend says in disapproving tone: “Another cigarette? You just had one…”

It makes me even more anxious. I go outside and smoke another one!

I come back in…lay on the bed… can’t sleep, i’m too agitated… It’s NEW YEAR 2020. And I have this voice inside my head…around and around…getting into my nerves and annoying me for hours… “He is right! I’m not having fun anymore. I have to stop smoking!”

But I’m so scared to say it out loud. Because if i say it, i really have to do it!

I roll in bed for a few more long moments and practice to say it to myself inside my head. “Vilma, you can do it! I will do it! You have to do it!” Then… I took a deep breath and finally said it out loud:

“Baby… I think im going to quit smoking…. I am… I will … I’ll quit today! Let me just smoke another one…the last one…”

I slowly enjoy my last cigarette… I’ts 6 am of the first day of the rest of my life… I’m not sure if my boyfriend truly believes my intention … but neither do I


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